It's been 57 days since I discovered that my house was on fire.
Today is the first day I've been back home since the morning after it happened.
A lot of things have changed.
Walking back into a house that you last left blackened and covered in ash to find it renewed, different and yet to still feel it violated and ruined.
I wonder if I'll always be able to smell the smoke?
I feel like I let my house down by not being able to save it from this fate.
Corners of it still feel cold and damaged, the magnet on the fridge permanently fixed in its new melted form.
It's hard to explain why I feel so upset about a newly decorated house.
Maybe all the emotion from the fire is just finally coming out now.
My poor, beautiful house.
Saturday, 24 October 2015
Wednesday, 29 July 2015
Why do we waste our time arguing?
Today I watched a video of an elderly woman opening a new pair of shoes for her birthday.
They were just trainers, a brightly coloured pair, given to her by her carer.
It got me thinking about how things will be when I'm older, and how the world will work then.
Then I started to imagine who will be around me in that world.
And I just started to cry.
I cried for all the people who might not be a part of my life then, because we're foolish enough now, at this vital point in our lives, to separate ourselves from those we love and care about, over pride... ignorance, and the inability to forgive and forget.
One day, we won't have the option to regain lost friends and blow it all off as if it were nothing.
It's harder to throw away 20 years of fighting and ignoring one another, instead of 20 days.
Or.... one of the two might not be around anymore to make amends.
You need to swallow your pride sometimes, own up that you were in the wrong; that you'd like to make a change.
We will never get these days back.
Make them worth remembering, with the people you most enjoy being around.
Because one day, it might be you crying over a pair of new shoes from a carer, as there's no-one left to remember that shoes were always your favourite thing to buy.
They were just trainers, a brightly coloured pair, given to her by her carer.
It got me thinking about how things will be when I'm older, and how the world will work then.
Then I started to imagine who will be around me in that world.
And I just started to cry.
I cried for all the people who might not be a part of my life then, because we're foolish enough now, at this vital point in our lives, to separate ourselves from those we love and care about, over pride... ignorance, and the inability to forgive and forget.
One day, we won't have the option to regain lost friends and blow it all off as if it were nothing.
It's harder to throw away 20 years of fighting and ignoring one another, instead of 20 days.
Or.... one of the two might not be around anymore to make amends.
You need to swallow your pride sometimes, own up that you were in the wrong; that you'd like to make a change.
We will never get these days back.
Make them worth remembering, with the people you most enjoy being around.
Because one day, it might be you crying over a pair of new shoes from a carer, as there's no-one left to remember that shoes were always your favourite thing to buy.
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